Sheehan Bants International Stylez

I’ve just got back from a family holiday to Madrid or as I like to refer to it as Sheehan Bants International Stylez (with a ‘z’ because I’ve been watching waaaay too much Brooklyn 99.). Our adventure started on Sunday. We had a ridiculously early flight on Sunday morning and of course instead of sleeping I decided to binge on Orange is the New Black season 4 – side note OMG what a series, it was so intense. I was completely exhausted by the time we got to Dublin airport but I powered through until I got onto the plane. I was lulled to sleep with the sound of crying babies and didn’t wake up until we landed.  When we got to our apartment in Madrid we were blown away-literally, we had to put the air conditioning on full blast as soon as we got there. I have never experienced sweat quite like the sweat that poured off me in Madrid. I sweated in places I never even thought possible, my wrists, my shins, between my boobs, under my boobs, on my boobs and even on my ears.

On Tuesday we hit up the zoo and aquarium. Aaaand there were pandas – lazy ass pandas that were not doing too much except sprawling in the heat, but pandas.  We also went to a dolphin show while we were there I didn’t really watch the show, I was too distracted by laughing my ass off at my daddy’s reactions to it. I swear every time he said ‘Oh wow’ I would start silently convulsing. We also had a fun encounter with the bears. They came right up to the edge of the enclosure and gave as a big smile for the camera. One of them even did yoga while we were there. It did make me feel a little bit like I haven’t really been achieving much in terms of my inner Zen and I should really work on this more, if a bear can do yoga so can I.  My husband got the opportunity to go full nerd at the aquarium section. He gave us little lectures along the way. I did a really good job at pretending to understand the stuff he was talking about.

Food was a little bit of an issue on during the trip. Being a vegan in Madrid is the stuff of potato nightmares – as an Irish person that is saying a lot pretty much everything consisted of meat, fish, cheese or eggs.  It was ridiculously hard to find anywhere to eat and I basically ate salad and chips for the first few days. That was until we found vegan heaven in the form of VivaBurger. This was the most yummy vegan restaurant that I found thanks to my  HappyCow app, which I had actually forgotten about for the first few days of the trip. The food was amazing, so good that even my parents ate and enjoyed it.

The highlight of the trip was the trip to Parque Warner. Not just because I am basically a child but because on my way into the park I discovered that I am five foot five. For most of my adult life I was under the impression that I was five foot four, not a huge amount of difference however, for as long as I have believed I was five foot four I have been lying and telling anyone who would ask that I am five foot six. It is now such an incredible relief to know that I have not been lying as much as I previously thought.  Aside from this exciting revelation I discovered that I am one hundred percent ok with the fact that I am not a thrill seeker in any way I didn’t go on any of the roller coasters as I just don’t enjoy the experience of roller coaster. The do not make me feel happy or excited – they make me feel like all of my insides might spill out of my arsehole at once.

I did go on what looked like a really harmless ride: Yogui Bear. The basic premise of the ride is that eight people sit on boats shaped as logs that float around. Each boat is equipped with water pistols and you shout water at people in other boats. Harmless enough right? WRONG! It was all out carnage. Even women and children were not spared in battle. One group of people wore rain ponchos to protect themselves and of course we made fun of them – oh how we ate our words as we got drenched from head to toe by little seven-year-olds and their parents. The jealousy of the ponchos drove us to get quite aggressive in our tactics but then we were hit by karma when we were soaked by one the waterfalls we had not accounted for.  It was fun but not exactly what we signed up for.

Another of my trip highlights was getting to pretended to be a flight attendant on the flight home. Ok slight exaggeration. What happened was, I decided to go pee just as they started to serve food, got trapped behind the trolley when I was finished in the loo and then there were some bad turbulence and the fasten seat belt sign came back on, but as the flight attendants hadn’t actually finished serving yet, so rather than letting me squeeze past they had to have me go sit in the attendant seats in the back of the plane. I made friends with one of the lovely flight attendants who informed me that the life of an air hostess is not glamorous and I have to completely agree with her, it was not stylish or comfortable. It was quite the experience and yes I did tell everyone I was a flight attendant and kept saying how much I missed my new job.

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