Zombie Zombie Zombie ie ie eh

I’m terrified of zombies. I’m almost one hundred percent sure that is an eventuality that cannot be avoided so that is why when I think about zombies, I almost shit myself.  I am so scared of the concept of a zombie that I can’t even watch any movies or shows with zombies in it.  When I do I really start to get panicky. I basically start thinking about all the possible scenarios that could take place when the zombie apocalypse actually hits.

The whole panic about zombies comes in stages, starting with my contemplation of how zombies will come into being: crazy uncontrollable virus, parasite or rabies outbreaks are all plausible possibilities for the emergence of zombies. Personally I’m fairly convinced it’s gonna be some sort of new crazy virus that accidently gets spread around the world, slowly killing off the human race while the remaining healthy among us fight for resources and keep safe from the zombies.

The next stage of my freak out usually stems from the worry of my inability to survive during the apocalypse. I wouldn’t be able to cope with the stress of having to hide/run away from zombies (depending on the type of zombies or the stage of contamination they are in, I mean realistically I probably won’t have do much running from zombies) or to fight other people for resources. I instantly start thinking about how many tins of beans and bottles of water are in the house and then I panic because no amount of tins of beans or bottled water are enough for a zombie apocalypse. I mean, no one knows how long the process of the dissent into apocalypse will last, and I assume once the media gets wind of it every single shop and supermarket is gonna be swarmed, when will I get the opportunity to get all the tins of beans and bottled water. At this point I usually feel compelled to quit my job, take out a loan and build a bunker under the house and fill it with endless supplies and also weapons. I mean I need to survive and fight other people and the zombies I’m gonna need a shit load of weapons or at least some forks that can double as weapons.

The last big freak out I had about zombies my Grandmother informed me that if and when the zombie apocalypse happens I can go stay with her and she will give me a cuddle and protect me from the zombies. This is perfect because obviously she is a bad ass and if anyone could protect me from a zombie it would be her but also I’m fairly sure that her house is the best place equipped for the apocalypse, zombie or otherwise. The fridge and freezer are full, there are presses filled with beans and she has a small hall, where the extra food stuff gets kept when there is no room the incredibly well stocked presses  (do all Irish Nannies have this?). I’m pretty sure that this is the perfect place to go when the zombies start coming for me.

The final stage of my freak out I start worrying if I have to kill a family member that becomes a zombie? Would I be so invested in my instinct to survive that I wouldn’t care, or would I just slash their head off with my fork and then burn the body so they disease can’t be spread. Then I usually start worrying about what would happen if I was a zombie. Would I make friends with the other zombies? Would they like me? Would they fight me for brain? Would we roam in packs or would I be on my own? I mean on a moral level as a vegetarian how on earth would I cope having to eat people…strictly though it wouldn’t be an animal so would I be off the hook? Although being realistic if I ever was to become a zombie I think my main concern would actually just be finding all the good brains.  As you can tell my fear of zombies is extensive and clearly, completely legitimate.

One thought on “Zombie Zombie Zombie ie ie eh

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s