Ten things that go through my head while I pee

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I have mentioned in a previous post about how I sing jingle bells while I pee and at random intervals throughout my day. But I also have very random thoughts while I go to the loo. Now you can all read this in judgement and pretend that you have no idea what I’m talking about, but if you look deep within yourselves and find your own truth, you know that you do the exact same thing.  The following are the random ponderings that pop into my head while sitting on the throne.

  1. How did I get that bruise? I could really do with shaving my legs? Thank god I can finally pull my tights down and scratch my legs…I could do with moisturising my knees. I am so white. Peeing, peeing…it really is not that normal to be this white.
  2. This one is less strange I suppose. I think about when I need to get the paper ready. When I first sit down? Or right before I need it. Is there enough to fold or ball it up or do I have to single sheet it and hope for the best. Is it the cheap stuff or are we double quilting it?
  3. Hmmm, does it defeat the purpose of washing my hands by touching the germy door handle on the way out? How many people didn’t wash their hands and then touched the handle. I should use anti-bacterial gel.
  4. I should check how yellow that is to make sure I’m getting enough water. I couldn’t be arsed though. Coffee has water, could I drink loads of coffee to hydrate me or will that work?
  5. I’m bored, now I understand why people bring a newspaper. I should have brought my phone. I could be on Facebook right now. That’s kinda gross though, why do people that? I mean, all the pee germs will be on the phone and then I would keep touching it. Ok I’m glad I didn’t bring my phone. Annnnnd flush.
  6. (At a social gathering).I wonder how long I could stay in here without anyone noticing. I could fit out that window. I could totally fit out that window. Ok, I better get back out there and socialise. Skirt stuck in knickers? Nope, ok go.
  7. (When you have your first pee of the morning). *sitting silently staring at the wall*Morning and stuff. Yeah. Cold *yawns*
  8. (When you pee in the middle of the night) *Pee sounds* ……..
  9. If I bought a penguin how long would it take to acclimatise it? Would I be able to build a big enough tank for it? Maybe I should by more than one because it will be on its own otherwise and that would make it sad. Chips would be so nice for dinner. I should eat a salad. I could eat salad and chips. That would be better. My toe itches. If I scratch my toe I will feel the sweat on my socks. What time is it?
  10. Is there someone beside me? I wonder if they can hear me pee. Can I hear them pee? Stop trying to hear them pee.

 

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