I haven’t written a post in a while for a few different reasons. One reason is the current state of the world. This has been contributing to my overall feeling that the world is fucked and that I should just remain tucked up in bed all day and not write anything. The world just seems to have gone a bit nuts and as much as I saw this happening over the last few years, the result of the US presidential election was pretty much the straw that broke the camel’s back. Aside from the general anxiety about the world I’ve also been quite busy. I am now a working commuter. I’m interning in Dublin so I spend most of my time on trains. I like it but being on trains so much is inspiring me to get my shit together and starting to learn how to drive (don’t panic or worry for your safety just yet, I haven’t started to learn so it will be a long time before you see me on the road, you are safe for another while). I’ve been busy and a little bit too tired lazy to sit down and write a post. The biggest reason I haven’t written in a while though is I have no idea what I want to write about.
I’ve basically had a bit of writer’s block, I wasn’t really sure what to write about and to be honest, I’m still not really sure what the fuck I’m writing about. I’ve started about four different blogs and haven’t been motivated to finish them because none of them really felt right. I did contemplate merging them all into one, but I really think that would make for a very disturbed experience so I decided against it. I might get around to finishing them, I probably won’t bother because they will doubt be fairly shit. I’ve experienced writers block before, but usually in college so I put it down to not really wanting to write an essay or something. I thought maybe I had run out of funny things and I thought maybe this whole getting up early, being prepared and organised every day for work had finally turned into an adult. I thought maybe I had run out of embarrassing things that happen to me because I had finally reached maturity. I had this thought while I was walking from the Luas to the Dart one morning. I was walking toward Tara Street Station in Dublin and I thought to myself, this it now, I’ve finally done it, I’ve gotten over all my inability to cope as a grown up. And then it hit me, well technically it hit me. I fell flat on my face in the middle of the street.
Like I knew it was happening. I could feel it happening. As it was happening I was thinking to myself ‘I am falling down now’. I didn’t or couldn’t really do anything to prevent it. I just went from completely vertical to completely horizontal within seconds. I think I might have said shit as I fell as well, as if that was going to help. I couldn’t really tell if anyone had noticed me fall, nobody seemed to be on the street and no one approached me or anything, thankfully because I think that would have made me feel even more mortified. I got up, fixed my hat and walked to the station. At that point I knew that I had not progressed to adulthood as I had thought but I was merely suffering from a form of writer’s block. I was merely having a creative block that prevented me from writing anything remotely half decent, it also may have damaged my brain and made me unable to stay vertical.
So safe to say I am in no doubt of my inability to adult and I am sure that now that I have gotten over the writer’s block a little bit I will be able to share more things about how I can’t function as a grown up and at this point I don’t think I ever will. I mean, I brought jelly to work for my lunch the other day. At this point there is no hope for me. But at least I will be able to keep writing about it.