Honest answers to frequently asked questions

As a twenty-something I always feel semi-attacked when ‘real’ grown ups ask me particular questions,  about my life, where I am going with it. I’m sure it is an innocent thing, they don’t realise the sheer stress and self-loathing it creates for me when I have to tell them I actually am not where I had planned on being at this point in my life. But sometimes I wonder if they really want to know the truth or if they are just asking for the sake of it, either way, here are honest answers to the questions most twenty-somethings have been asked, some of these are specific to myself but I am sure you can all relate.  For anyone who has asked me, or plans on asking me these in the future, I will no longer answering and instead refer you to this post.

How is work?

I’m in my mid-twenties, work is work. I’m either in a job I wanted and it isn’t as good as I hoped or I am in a job I did not expect and I hate it and feel my college degree was a waste.

Or

How is the job search going?

I cry myself to sleep most nights and I have considered selling my body. I just got a rejection letter from McDonald’s and I have 3 euro in bank account.

How is your relationship?

Silently sob.

Or

My relationship is fine. Thank you for being so nosey and looking for gossip.

You look good have you lost weight?

You literally saw me last week and I have cake in my hair and my jeans are clearly too tight, what do you think?

What are you doing with yourself these days?

I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix.

Oh you’re married now aren’t you?

You have liked all my wedding pictures on Facebook. So no, I just wore a wedding dress and posed for the craic.

Or

When are you planning on settling down?

When I can legally marry my bed.

Oh you’ve finished college now so where are you working?

In a job, and before you ask no it isn’t anything to do with what I studied.

You didn’t do anything with the degree then?

No, I have purposely decided that the thousands I have spent on third level education was no good so I will get something unrelated by choice.

Would you not try teaching?

Thanks I will look into that…not.

Where are you living now?

I live with my parents thanks again for pointing that out.

Are you going to buy a house?

With what? monopoly money? I don’t even have monopoly.

Who do you belong to?

Well, person I who have never met before, let me give you a detailed account of my ancestry so that you can feel that you know who I am. 

Oh you are still a Sheehan are you? Didn’t change the name then? Very modern…

Yes, very modern of me in 2016 to not take my husband’s last name. It is practically unheard of sure. 

What will you do when you have kids? You can’t hyphenate surely?

I can and I will, and don’t call me surely.

 

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