Train people Part II

As mentioned a few months ago, I hate train people in their many forms. Since I’ve become a commuter, heading up to Dublin five days a week, I have encountered a whole new breed of train people and believe me it isn’t pretty. My dislike of the people I have to travel with is only made worse by the early hour of my travels and my lack of caffeine. But in some cases I feel like my hatred for them is justified. My journey is no longer restricted to the one type of train anymore either, I now get a Train, Luas and a Dart. What is the difference between all of these modes of transport? Sweet fuck all, because the types of people you encounter are fairly much the same.

Someone coughed on my hair when I was on the Luas the other day. Twice, they coughed on my hair twice. A real hock sort of cough, the kind you know has resulted in some form of unnecessary fluid is spraying through the air, and their germs are landing all over you. I hate all people but I especially hate these particular train people. I also greatly dislike the people who breathe on me on trains. I get that it’s early and you have to yawn but I do not need to smell that, I don’t need to sleep the weird sleepy breath and that should be gone because you should have brushed your teeth.  I also don’t really need you to take over the arm rest and dig your elbows into me and spread your legs out so that I am wedged to the corner of my seat afraid to move. I really don’t need that when I am in one the two dearer chairs at the end of the coach.

I do appreciate that the commuting crowd that I am now lumped in with, don’t like to talk to me much, which is good because I hate small talk. It’s a complete relief that you don’t want to speak to me, but that doesn’t mean I need to hear your conversations at the ungodly hour of the morning that I am unfortunately awake to greet. It’s very unprofessional to discuss your work on the train as well, by all means bitch away about your Co-workers, I do sort of enough it, I imagine it as listening to the soap operas of yore on the radio, but I really shouldn’t be hearing your clients’ personal information. And yes people do this, data protection my hole! I could tell everyone your secrets if I bothered to take out my earphones, which no music is coming out of, I’m just trying to block out the human drivel and the sniffling and heavy breath, snoring and other sounds that have the power to raise my blood pressure. But alas this is not what really irritates me about their train people. What really annoys me is the rushing.

These train people are always queuing to get out when you are fifteen minutes away from the final stop that we are all going to! There is no need, honestly you won’t get there any quicker I assure you, and those few seconds you save in getting off and jumping/squashing yourself onto other forms of public transport will not be worth it because you will just be pissy by the time you get to work. You can’t honestly be that excited for work. As for the David Attenborough worthy image of people running to get a seat on the evening train is quite breath-taking. It reminded me of the part in Mean Girls where the lead character views the world of her school canteen as the same as wildlife in the African plains. Let me tell you, nothing reveals the human instinct to fight for survival like an elderly woman pushing you off the path into a taxi rank in order to secure herself a seat on the 17.35 train. A Darwinian field day is there for the taking, if people only knew the right time to come and study it. If there is interested in studying human nature in relation to a train journey, the best time is when there are delays. You will see a whole side to humans that you thought had been lost through evolution.

I really dislike the people who complain on trains and other public transport, I know, says the girl literally blog ranting, but I mean the people who travel to Dublin at peak commute times and complain how busy it is. Duh, of course it. Sorry that your shopping day out has now been ruined. On the other side I really hate the commuters who look down on said shopping trippers. You were once a Dublin-only-for-farmer-shopping-day person at some point, so try be understanding and stop complaint about them being there, and don’t tut at them either.

I especially hate the people who are more awake than me on the train. Like how do you do it? On your phone, checking the emails, you are incredibly dressed unlike me, who looks like she got dressed in the dark on a Pogo stick. What is your secret??? How do I gain this great knowledge?

I end this rant with the similar sentiment as my last blog about these train people, the breed of humans that are far too smelly and irritating for me to not complain about (myself included in that I might add): as much as I hate people, I hate all people, but I just have to put up with it because otherwise I have to pull money out of my hole to learn to drive and buy a car and also face my fear of being the driver of a car.


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