Anti-Bucket List

A lot of people make bucket lists. You know, stuff they wanna do or achieve before they ‘kick the bucket’. But I feel like the pressure of having to be a human is hard enough in this life without adding the pressure of ticking off an endless list of things that I think I need to do. I mean I like lists. I make a lot of to-do lists,  they sooth me when I’m stressed but I never stick to them…to anyone out there who sticks to a list for anything in their life then you have my deepest admiration and respect.  So because I don’t stick to lists I don’t have a bucket list, but ever the pessimist I do have an anti-bucket list. A list of things I definitely do not want to do before I die. 

I do not want to jump out of or off of anything. Plane, bridge moving car – none of it appeals to me. And yes I am aware that I would have something on me to break my fall, like a parachute or a rope but what if they break? Or what if I do a sky dive and my parachute works but I land in a tree and get tangled up. No thank you very much! It would not be worth the risk to my life and also the outfits are awful.

I don’t want to every scuba dive. I don’t need to be up close and person with fish. I respect their need for space…that’s why they live away from people. If I were them I wouldn’t want people turning up uninvited to their home wearing a ridiculous pair of glasses and gawking at me. But also I don’t like when someone is near me underwater in a swimming pool so why would I want a fish near me. I think they are beautiful but if I wanna see them in their natural habitat I will watch some David Attenborough. The same also goes here for swimming with any type of mammal such as a dolphin or Killer Whale (I’ve seen Blackfish man, I DON’T think that people should be allowed to do this but also personal space and my own safety).

I don’t really want to go encounter animals in the wild. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love animals but I don’t think it is fair to go into their space just for my own entertainment. Basically no Gorillas in the Mist style adventure for me.  Oh on that no climbing of mountains in the heat or cold. I mean I might consider it for charity but I would rather do something I feel that I could achieve for charity because I’m fairly sure I would cry after an hour of hiking.

I don’t want to learn a new sport. I don’t enjoy competition and the older I get the more disinterested I become so no tag rugby or boxing for me. This includes all ‘extreme’ sports like car racing, skiing, snowboarding or driving/owning a motorbike. I won’t even learn how to drive so I’m hardly going to get into stuff like this. You definitely won’t see me training for a triathlon any time soon.

I don’t want go to a festival. Ok actually I do but I am on the fence about it, I might like to attend one for a day just to experience the music and the atmosphere but I do not want to sleep in a tent or do the whole ‘festival experience’. I’m just not built for the harsh elements and I think I would just feel too smelly and uncomfortable to relax and enjoy it. Also I am an unashamed puker when drink is involved and I don’t think I could cope with puking in a tent, field or porta loo. I need my home comforts around me.

I absolutely under no circumstances want to be in a hot air balloon at any point in my life. It’s too exposed to the elements for my liking and what if a bird flies into me or it crashes or if the motion makes me feel sick? I think I would just end up crouched down in the baskets thing avoiding everything. Also I have seen many cartoons and someone nearly always catches on fire.

Finally I don’t want to meet any of my heroes because I will discover that they are in fact human and this will ruin it for me. Also I will probably say something stupid or not talk at all or something embarrassing will happen. If I did actually see someone I admire I don’t think I would have the balls to even approach them anyway so I honestly don’t think this one will be an issue. This one is only really a problem if I get stuck in a lift with someone I admire and I have to talk to them.  Also I feel like I might cry if I met someone I admire and I just don’t need that shame coming to me as a I try to fall asleep at night…I have enough of that already.

Basically I don’t want to include anything on my bucket list that involves creating more adrenaline. When it comes to fight or flight, I’m more of a flight and it is kind of hard to just say ‘nope’ and run away when you are involved in an extreme sport or locked in an elevator with my idol. When I eventually get around to my bucket list it will include much more relaxing things, like lying on a floor and allow kittens/puppies/bunnies to crawl all over me or eating my body weight in chocolate.

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